im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
