I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
