And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
