I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
