i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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