oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
