Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
