Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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