Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
