i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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