The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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