Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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