Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
two words: eviction party
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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