This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
