Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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