if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
