Having a random hookup so left but love u
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
