im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I am available for nakedness
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
