i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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