she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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