I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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