Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
