i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
