i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
