2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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