I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
