I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
