I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
