i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
