just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize