To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
