we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize