I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I enjoy the company of your penis
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
