you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
