If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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