hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
