i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
