you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
