Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
