We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
