big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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