So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
