I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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