Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
