I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
