OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
