Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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