If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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