well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
