an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
