I wanna bring you to show and tell
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
sex in a hospital.. check
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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