I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
