I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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