...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
