What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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