We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
