The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
