last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
