Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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