I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
