Where did you get a picture of my penis
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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