So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
one might say we're banned from that church
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
