You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
