Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
