Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
