OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
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