are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
